Stage Fright Gets The Best of Me
PURPOSE: The below will walk you through how to get to the root belief that is (secretly) controlling your outcomes.
Since about Freshman year of high school, I have battled intense ‘stage-fright'. My nerves become so worked up that I freeze, blank out and forget everything I was going to do/say. This has had a strong grip on my life and the outcomes I produce.
Sometimes the fear would get the best of me and I would sike myself out of the opportunity, but for the majority of the time I face the fear and do it anyway, but the thing that many don't notice (based off feedback) my nerves are still in control and hindering my ability to 'perform'. To this day, my nerves are mostly in control with any new encounters or on LIVES.
For me, it’s not about a lack of understanding of what I do. It’s not about not embodying my work and only speaking from information because I have/am fully embodied in my work. It’s just this fear of being judged gets me..every time.
Last Thursday I sat with this fear. And I invite you to do the same. If you feel these intense nerves taking over..sit with this and feel into what unravels.
I first needed to understand, what is the fear? (Fear of live connections)
Why do I fear it? (Afraid that I will freeze up or not say the right thing and be judged)
How is this affecting me? (Through all of my live connections, hurting my ‘performance’)
How does the fear of live connections make me feel? (I feel anxious, nauseous, and my body becomes hot.)
What stories are playing through my head with this fear? (You’re awkward. You’re not easy to talk to. What will they think/say? How will this make them feel? You can’t freeze up.)
Is this serving me? (Hell to the no.)
Where did this come from? When is one of the first times I remember feeling like this? (Growing up I was the ugly duckling so I was always worried about my appearance and personality. I desired deeply to just be accepted and wanted and to top it off I became close friends with a girl who was always wanted. I became overly obsessive with wanting to be “the one” in everything I did and it naturally paved a very anxious pathway of needing to be right to be liked. The fear of messing up and not being accepted controlled my outcomes.)
What is the root of this fear-based story that is controlling my outcomes? (I so badly want to be right to be liked and it sometimes drives me to act inauthentically to who I am at my core in fear of being judged and that pressure creates the nerves.)
So there are two avenues to this “being right” thing.
First: I want to be right to be liked. I don't want to be judged or live through the pain of not being wanted like I have the majority of my life.
Second: I don’t trust my spiritual strength and intuition so I subconsciously obsess over saying the right thing to get my message across clearly so that I am not judge and that I am liked.
Where do I need to place my love and attention into? intensifying my self-worth connection within myself and learning to be okay with judgment also by intentionally placing myself in situations where I would be judged to become okay with the idea of it AND trusting my higher power that of which is connected to my intuition
Remember, if we are not fully in love with an outcome, we have the power to choose and recreate it again. Get specific. Know what the unwanted outcome is and understand how it's affecting you and WHERE the limiting belief stems from so you can begin to reroot this belief and create a new, empowering one!
It's not enough to trick yourself into thinking "I don't care what others think" or any other sly story. If we don't deal with the ROOT of the ISSUE, the ISSUE will continue showing and disrupting other areas of our life UNTIL we place our love and attention into that area.
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